Compose an essay about a particularly memorable experience, either positive or negative, which changed you in some significant way.

  We are all born equally and I think it is wrong for us to discriminate against someone just because they are different doesn't mean they aren't good too.  My grandfather was born in Mexico and he moved to the U.S. when he was young.  No matter how long we live here we will always look different because we have dark skin and dark hair.  Who has the right to call themselves the true Americans?
   
     When my grandfather came to this country he had to work hard digging and stuff, and sometimes he got just enough money to buy food for his mother and sisters.  He was the man of the family so every day he goes out to the corner to wait for someone to come by to hire him.  Now in days I see other men the same as my grandfather.  But sometimes the men who hire him paid less then they say they would and he'd get mad but coundn't do anything about it becuase they would report him to immigration.
  
     Well, my grandmother was here already and her father was a gardener who needed help, when my father went to work for him they met and fell in love and got married and that's how my mother was born then me.
   
     I have lived in this country for three generations now, but people still call me Mexican.  I am not Mexican.  I was born here I am American as you or your neighbor.  Just because I have brown skin doesn't mean I don't belong.  There was someone in my high school and her parents came here when she was two but they don't say she's not American because she looks white and has blonde hair, but she wasn't born here but in Russia.  So I'm more American than her but some people don't agree with that.  Why not?  Just because I have brown skin.
   
     My grandfather worked very hard to make money to marry my grandmother.  He was a gardener at very big houses, and one owner was a contractor and he hired him to work on a building because he was such a hard worker and they would pay him more money.  Then they could get married.
   
     My grandmother was legal so she made my grandfather legal when they got married, and when my mother was born she was legal too and a natural born American.  Although she had brown skin and dark brown hair like me.
  
      My father was always here and so were his parents.  Only his grandparents came from Guadalajara.  He doesn't even speak Spanish because he was born in Burbank and went to school there too.  He says he is one hundred percent American and so am I.
   
     So in conclusion, just because someone is not white does not mean that person is not really American.

Writing Task

Essay Sample  "Why Not?" by Trulee Trying

1.    In what ways does the tone of this essay weaken this writer's narrative?  What specific word choices do you think need to be changed to create a more convincing narrative?

2.    How do the lack of transitions between paragraphs make this narrative difficult to follow?

3.    What would be a more effective transition phrase for the end of paragraph 3 or the beginning of paragraph?

4.    How would you more effectively conclude this essay?   

5.    How do the grammar errors reflect on the author's seriousness of purpose?