Dear College of Education Community,
Practicing compassion, especially for others, is difficult but important during complex and challenging times. One classical Buddhist text, called the Sedaka Sutta, says, “Taking care of oneself, one takes care of others. Taking care of others, one takes care of oneself.” Psychologist and University of Massachusetts Professor Lizabeth Roemer, describes a study by Ellen Lee and colleagues, who found that “both self-compassion and compassion for others predict mental and physical well-being over time. Compassion allows us to genuinely connect to other people and deepens our sense of shared humanity.” Dr. Roemer shares in a Psychology Today blog the need for compassion for others at this time in our world, even when this can be so very challenging.
Pay attention. The first step in caring for others is simply paying attention to others: noticing what is happening to them.
Manage your emotions. Turning toward the suffering of others rather than instinctively or impulsively turning away is the first step in giving rise to compassion. However, often the biggest barrier to compassion for others is the distress that we experience due to people’s suffering (including the distress of powerlessness) or the ways that their suffering elicits or resonates with painful emotions in us. (some strategies for managing our own emotions when contemplating compassion in more depth here.)
Notice judgments that arise, and don’t throw fuel on those judgmental fires. We can notice such thoughts as they arise, but we don’t have to follow them; we don’t have to give them our attention or energy. If we value being in a relationship, we can instead connect to the feelings we observe and the care we have for another’s pain, even if we might not fully relate to every detail of their experience.
Let go of being right. Closely related to our judgments is a natural tendency to see our own perspective as “right,” which can easily turn into making other people “wrong.” This need to be right becomes the distortion of righteous certainty and is often another way of trying to avoid the distress that may come from fully connecting to suffering. And it can serve to distance ourselves from our shared humanity and leave us feeling disconnected and alone.
Consider acts of kindness. One way to practice compassion when it feels hard is to engage in a compassionate action, is to do something kind for someone else, no matter how uncompassionate we may feel.
Difficulty showing compassion is natural and human—but this can separate us from one another and interfere with relationships and well-being. Bringing awareness and intention to the suffering of others can help us to reconnect to our common humanity and reduce our sense of isolation. Compassion-for-others practices can be intermingled with self-compassion practices, strengthening our sense of care for ourselves and others and further opening our hearts.
To find out more go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindfully-doing-what-matters/202311/cultivating-compassion-for-others
For a list of other self-care options, you can also go to our COE self-care website for resources for faculty, staff, students, and the community at https://www.csun.edu/eisner-education/self-care
May we all have compassion for others in the world right now.
Warmly,
Shari