Gender cultural differences provide a subtle contextual background that can cause communication disasters.
She claims I‰m always meddling in her business. I am defensive and annoyed that my plan is wasted; and so the argument goes with neither of us really knowing why or what it is all about.
Dr. Tannen notes that the wife's remark is basically a process of sharing information (the illocution).
However, the husband, hears a cry for help (the perlocution).
The dissonance occurs in the context of the differences between the gender cultures.
Girls grow up in the habit of playing and sharing with other girls. Boys, on the other hand, join "gangs" and compete for dominance within the group. Hence, when men confront a problem they perceive it as a challenge and call "to get the upper hand."
So, the wife, who was simply sharing a bit of daily news, is surprised and annoyed at the uninvited intrusion by her spouse, who in turn feels unjustly unappreciated.